Lifestyle

Am I Socially Awkward?

Hello Lovely People,

I thought it was about time that I wrote a post that was of a more personal nature as it’s something I did intend to do right from the start, again please remember that I am in no way a professional writer so i’m really just going with the flow.

Lets begin…

I have never really thought of myself as being socially awkward until I read this article from Cosmopolitan – What it’s like to have no real friends and it basically summed up my whole life. Spread out on this one page was me completely and it was so comforting to know that there was somebody else out there like me and I suddenly didn’t feel so alone anymore.

Do I have a best friend? well the answer to that question is sadly no and if you ask me why I really couldn’t tell you, so many times I have asked myself these questions…

Am I good enough?

Am I likeable?

Do they like my company?

Am I fun?

Am I pretty enough? (yes I even thought it was to do with how I looked)

Am I? Am I? Am I? etc etc…

So many questions buzzed around my head which lead to major feelings of insecurity, lack of confidence and my self esteem certainly took a beating.

I’ve even resorted to making up a best friend because I was so scared of how it would make me look, of course I don’t do that anymore I just avoid talking about my weekends and spare time as much as possible.

When I think back to my earliest memory of a friendship, it was in primary school and she was called Tina. We did everything together, we were in the same class, sat with each other at lunch and were inseparable during play times. It was as far as my limited knowledge of friendships go, at that age, a beautiful friendship. Unfortunately for me other events in my life meant I had to leave Tina behind and move away, what would have come from that friendship I would never know.

From that moment on I moved around a few times which meant moving schools so I could never really secure any meaningful friendships not that I didn’t try. I always found little friendship groups but always within those groups I somehow felt left out and found myself being more of a spectator. Obviously everyone had established who their best friends were and I watched as they told each other secrets, shared letters and organised best friend outings and sleepovers all the while hoping that maybe one day I could do this too.

And that pretty much was how it always was during my schools years, nothing ever really changed no matter how hard I tried, I even got bullied and I still to this day don’t know why, yes I had friendships but I like to think of them more as close acquaintances (if that makes any sense). 

Do I talk to any of them now? I think you know the answer to that.

Fast forward to now and to quote the article…

“I’m one of the loneliest people I know”

I really hope that when you are reading this you don’t get the impression that I am a horrible, mean and awful person, I am actually the complete opposite, so people around me tell me. Now and again someone will always say “you are so lovely”, “you couldn’t be mean to anyone if you tried” and “who could ever hate you”. It’s all rather thrilling to hear isn’t it but does it make me feel any better? Does it make me believe it? NO!

I know these people that say these things are generally good, kind hearted people and I don’t blame them for wanting me to feel better so if your reading thank you from the bottom of my heart. The reality is, is that when they/you go home from work at the weekend they/you have social events lined up like parties, barbecues, girly shopping days and spa days etc (oh how I wish I could do these things). 


*Now I must tell you before I go any further that the one difference I have from Brittany in the article is that I do have a long term partner and he is great. Please don’t be quick to judge and say “well you’re not alone” I know you might or might not think that but I am alone!! I’ve tried to go along with him on his social events but ultimately they are his so I still don’t feel a part of anything and I don’t want him to always feel like he needs to invite me. 


 

So continuing on…

Yes my weekends consist mainly of walks, binge watching my favourite shows, organizing my wardrobe, writing my blog etc, whatever activity it is it’s always done wishing that one day I will have that one person (apart from my partner) to enjoy it with.

I’ve met a lot of really lovely people who I always hope will one day become that one friend, they certainly always have the potential to be, i’m not fussy really. These people tend to be people I work with and we get on really well (in work) but as usual nothing ever gets beyond that. I am in no way blaming them, I’m not going to force anyone to be friends with me, I appreciate anyone’s act of kindness towards me. In fact I cherish those moments. If I leave a workplace we exchange numbers and say “lets stay in touch”, I text them a few times but then that disappears and they never contact me. Was it really a friendship to begin with?

Even in workplaces everyone tends to have their own friendship cliques and I always try to fit in as best I can.

I have now come to the realization that I am never going to have that friend. The friend who will go to the ends of the earth for me, who is going to stick around, who is gonna call me up for advice or even just a chat, who I can call for advice etc. I am always going to have fleeting friendships, the type of friendships were people say “oh I was thinking about you the other day” or “I was going to call you” and they never have or do.

I am still trying to understand why this happens and unlike Brittany I still have no answer as to why I can’t build long lasting, genuine friendships but I will continue to try.

So sum up this post….

Am I lonely – YES!

Am I socially awkward – Probably through lack of social interaction

I live in hope that this will one day change and I will not let this in any way get me down (although to be honest I will always have my moments). I have an amazing group of people around me at the moment, nothing deep or meaningful just yet but fingers crossed watch this space…

I really hope that this post has been helpful or insightful in anyway and thank you for reading this probably badly written post.

I would love to know your thoughts in the comment section below but please just leave a comment or even go to my contact page and say hello.

Thank you so much for your support!!

Much Love

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lily-rose

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35 thoughts on “Am I Socially Awkward?

      1. Honestly, no worries lovely. I love personal posts. For me, it’s a way of letting things out and I feel so much better afterwards and knowing I can share my thoughts to people who will listen makes me happy! x

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I relate so much to this post. Like I have been leaving in four different countries over the past 5 years and the behavior to adopt was always different, which I didn’t always know at first. So I must have looked really weird… but I guess we’re all a bit socially awkward coz we all do things that are normal to us but strange to others… xx Corinne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s great that your comfortable with your own company, I need to try and be comfortable in my own too. I still can’t help being so jealous of others friendships. Thank you so much for commenting xxx

      Like

  2. This is so me. Making intimate relationships has always been a struggle for me. But I come to the realisation that I just prefer my own company rather than others. And I can live with that. Interaction and me don’t get along so well. I have no idea how I even work in retail. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Being socially awkward doesn’t make you “a horrible, mean and awful person” and I’m glad you know that and brought it to light in this post. As for me, it’s complicated. On one hand I get major anxiety as soon as people are around that I don’t know well but on the other hand I enjoy the company of people i know very well.

    xx Solange | creativepineapples.blogspot.com

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I can relate to this post quite a bit. I wouldn’t say I’m socially awkward as such, but I’m a bit of an introvert so can find socialising a lot exhausting and generally prefer my own company (therefore I tend not to feel lonely when I’m alone like you do!). But because of this it means I spend most of my weekends alone doing my own thing as I’ve spent the whole week around people and want to be on my own, and don’t really have a best friend either as I could never be around someone constantly

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would love to be so comfortable with my own company like you, I think it’s great that you can do that, I think i’m getting there though. Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment lovely xxx

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  5. I am exactly like this! I find socialising sometimes a bit overwhelming but at other times a social butterfly so it is tricky! Thank you for sharing this xx

    Kirsty | The Monday Project | themondayproject.co.uk

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh my gosh!!! I see myself in this blog post! It’s like you just typed everything I feel when it comes to having no close friends. Not even a best friend! I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way or is this way.

    Thank you for this post hun! I really enjoyed reading it. I really hope that one day you’ll be able to find a best friend you could do all of those things with.

    Like

  7. YOU literally described my life! I too have a long term partner but like you say, tagging along with his events isn’t really the same! I don’t have friends either sure there’s ‘aquantiances’ but that’s not the same as a friend! I’ve kinda got used to it though, I guess it’s just who I am! Well done for being so open!
    PaleGirlRambling xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so so much for your response, everyones feedback has been incredible. I was feeling so worried about posting this and I felt so ashamed of my situation. Now i know there are others and I no longer need to be ashamed of it xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Wow, such a refreshing and honest post. You have literally described my life, I have asked myself these questions so many times.
    I admire your courage to write up this post and put it out to the world, and it’s so comforting to see were not alone in having these thoughts and feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I can relate to this in some way. I am in a way socially awkward. However, I have two wonderful best friends and 4 more close friends that I recently gained. But before going to uni, I had only those 2 friends and sometimes I felt lonely. They had more friends of theirs but I had nothing besides them, so I felt lonely when I wasn’t with them. What I want to say is friends come when you least expect it. Don’t try to force it, just wait and I’m sure you’ll soon have at least one person besides your partner that will keep you company.

    -Leta | The Nerdy Me

    Liked by 1 person

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